+ First of May—I tend to celebrate the First of May in a couple of ways.  First, I listen to this non-worksafe song, which I encourage you to buy for your very own a...

+ Don’t Treat People as Things—I reposted Secondary Clarity on Tumblr yesterday, and got a very interesting response. I thought it was actually worth a column. The original post was...

+ More on Consent—I ran across some utter nimrod spouting the “Consent is HARRRD” whine in a new and gloriously idiotic way. The assertion? “Women lik...

+ Rule One*—This was an ask on my Tumblr, but I just had to repost it. Hi there! I have a bit of a dilemma at the moment. I’m in a long term poly relationsh...

+ Polyamory on Purpose Guide to Polyamory and Pregnancy—  Jessica Burde, polyamorous writer, has released a nice little book on polyamory and pregnancy. This is a good, clearly-written guide to conside...

+ How to Teach Your Sons About Consent*—Me: Good morning, son. Pop quiz. What constitutes consent? Son: A clear, unambiguous yes. Me: What does unambiguous mean? Son: Loud and clear with ...

+ You Can’t Fuck Your Way to Good Self-Esteem—I’m new to polyamoury and I guess I’m into the “kid in a candy store” phase. I’ve been calling it “balls to the wa...

+ Thoughts on Being Used—Some years ago, I wrote an article called “Being Used.” It was about red flags in relationships, demands and whether or not you had a rela...

+ It’s Not Polyamory-Specific—I had someone comment that an article I wrote on great polyamory relationships wasn’t poly-specific. I agreed heartily. It wasn’t. You cou...

+ How to Ask People Out—Do you have any advice for a guy in a...Read more Related Posts:Bouncing the Reality CheckDisclosure When On the ProwlLooking Vanilla and the Law in P...

+ Sex, Orientation and Preference—I was noodling around on the net recently and noticed someone in my way too varied social media sites questioning their sexual orientation and decisio...

+ NRE for Everyone!—You’re in a happy triad. You and your partners do date from time to time, but for the most part, you have a stable, well-run home. Your routine ...

+ Heavy Emotional Discussions: now what?—I got an interesting letter from a reader who was concerned about a forthcoming Heavy Discussion with their own Poly Group. There was nervousness. The...

+ The Polyamorous Misanthrope 2012 Top Ten—Since we’re coming on to the end of 2012, I thought maybe a roundup of the most popular posts on the Polyamorous Misanthrope this year might be ...

+ Polyamory and the Honeymoon Period—This is another search term inspired post. One of the advantages of polyamory is that you are always open to that wonderful sensation of the early rel...

+ A Request of the Polyamory Community—I’d like to make a request of the polyamory community. This isn’t a poly-specific issue, but since polyamory and sexual issues often inter...

+ Relationship Broken, Add More People Doesn’t Work—So, me (26 F) and my partner (37 M) have been in what we call a monogamish relationship pretty much since the beginning four years ago. I’ve sle...

+ Jurassic Park Secondary—This week’s column is a guest column by Jessica Burde. Ladies, gentlemen and assorted gender identities, today I would like to address one very ...

+ Fortune Favors the Bold—I’m having some trouble. I’m a happily married man, with a wife of 8 years, and we’ve been polyamorous for nearly two years now. So ...

+ Transitioning From Triad to V—I am madly in love with one of my partners. We have been together for a year and a half. He has been married to a woman for 19 years whom I love dearl...

+ Not at All Costs: there are times when you can keep working on the relationship—I’ve posted a series of columns lately...Read more window._wp_rp_static_base_url = "http://dtmvdvtzf8rz0.cloudfront.net/static/"; You Might L...

+ Just Testing a Feature, Move Along—Playing with blog settings and testing a feature. But, to give it poly-relevant content: It’s about love.  Really, no kidding. If you’re ...

+ Jack and Jill—About a year ago I met a man whom I had an immediate connection with (I still to this day cannot explain what made me feel so comfortable with him rig...

+ PSA: Please Vote—Mama Java wouldn’t dream of telling you how to vote, because that’s just not how she rolls.  However, she is asking you that if you are an...

+ Never Promised Monogamy—So a couple of months ago I met man online who advertised himself as being in an open marriage. He lives far away. We hit it off in a huge way, and a ...

+ How to Rebuild Trust—I stumbled across your blog while searching for resources on polyamory and STDs. Another question that someone asked was like what happened to me and ...

+ When Does it Stop Hurting—I’ve just met a really great guy. We’ve been dating for about a few months now, and every day, I fall more for him in little ways. I know ...

+ Keeping it Real—I’ve been slow in answering letters lately. I’ve got lots of material for lots of columns and I’m noticing a pattern. Lack of love...

+ Bait and Switch in Polyamory—I don’t know if I’m not really poly or just got myself into a bad situation my first time out. I met a man who said he was poly, and I lik...

+ Polyamory and Coming Out to Family—This podcast: http://www.thestranger.com/SavageLovePodcast/archives/2012/09/11/savage-love-episode-307 talks about coming out to your parents about be...

+ Candy Store Polyamory: How much is enough?—\ My ex-gf helped me discover that I’m...Read moreYou Might Like:Respectful Communication and Mind-ReadingPerspective: Grab Some — it...

+ How to Find Girls for Polyamory—This is one of my search term-inspired columns. Someone got to the site with this, so I figured I’d answer it. You find polyamorous relationship...

+ Girls Can Be Creepy, Too—My current problem is this: How do I get guys to not run away screaming when they find out I’m married? At least I think that’s my proble...

+ Be Yourself Just as Hard as You Can—I am new to the poly life style and am having a hard time sharing my husband of 13 years with another woman. It is something we had always talked abou...

+ What the Hell is WRONG with You People?—Okay, I’ve had it with the whole...Read moreYou Might Like:I Feel Like My Life is CrashingMy Penis is too MagicalPoly Parenting 101Preachin̵...

+ Unfuck Your Habitat—While certainly housekeeping is not poly-specific, the attitudes around housework and housekeeping can contribute to a happy poly household or rip it ...

+ Comments and an Apology—Recently I was just screwing around with the back end of my site and realized that the spam trap had thousands of comments in it. Some small portion o...

+ Being Awesome is the Best Solution—I have been in a poly relationship for the last year and half and things are good and bad.  My boyfriend is married and has children and I knew that c...

+ When You Make a Mistake—My partner and I have been together for a little over two years and just about a month ago we decided to pursue Polyamory. It came at a time when we w...

+ My Penis is too Magical—I was snarking how it is so common for a woman to...Read moreYou Might Like:High School Musical ChairsYou’re All Fucking IdiotsWhat Can They Do ...

+ More Anti-Poly Advice—Open Relationships: Partners, Threesome, Swinging, Polyamory and/or Including Any Additional Partner In Your Sexual Marital Relationship No, the answe...

+ No Seriously, I Really AM Polyamorous—I met my husband three and a half years ago. We’ve been married for a year and a half. The first two years were absolute bliss. I was dating two...

+ Overcoming Insecurities—How about some suggestions on working with your partner to overcome insecurities? Interesting question: and one that could be taken two ways. I’...

+ Where Do You Get Your Polyamory Advice?—I am occasionally disturbed by the plethora of polyamory advice out there. No, not because I think I need to be the only advice columnist (hardly!) bu...

+ Polyamory is a Lousy Relationship Band-Aid—My boyfriend and I have been together for almost three years. While may not seem like a very long time we try to spend as much time as possible togeth...

+ First, start with the self—I am a mostly-mono woman in an LDR with a poly woman who classifies herself as the “free-love hippie” type, but more and more it seems lik...

+ Can Having Children and Polyamory Mix?—One of the biggest challenges in a polyamorous person’s life is how to balance good parenting with multiple relationships. As you often hear, &...

+ Space Shuttle Polyamory—This damn blog has been too serious lately. There are times when I think we poly writers, in concern for the poly community and its issues might be gi...

+ How did I get in THIS mess?—I sometimes talk about creeping concessions, but I sometimes wonder if I’m giving the impression that I don’t believe in negotiation.  Not...

+ Blindsided by Jealousy—Mama Java, help me. I’ve identified as poly since I knew what the word meant. I used to have no concept of romantic jealousy and assumed, foolis...

+ Unbundling—Guest column by Vrimj today! Suggestion for Married Couples moving from monogamy to polyamory: Unbundle. A lot of the newbie mistakes that hurt everyo...

+ Looking Vanilla and the Law in Polyamory—Hi Ms. Java, A friend of mine is having difficulty with his ex wife. He’s in an open relationship with a married woman (who’s husband know...

+ Disclosure When On the Prowl—Ok. So, I am a poly mama, in an open relationship that has its own nuances and complexities, like any other relationship of any flavor. Dilemma, nut...

+ You Have to Choose—Hi Java, I’ve been with my man 9 years and am deeply in love with him, however, I’m also in love with another woman. I’ve loved her ...

+ On Being Out—I’m out when it comes to poly. People who know me well know I am. I put my poly writing and stuff on my CV. Plenty of people who read this know ...

+ Bouncing the Reality Check—I’m in a primary poly relationship and a few secondary ones. On the whole things are great and the world is wonderful. One of my newer partners...

+ One Poly Opera—Hello and thank you for taking the time to read this. It may be quite lengthy, so brace yourself! I am definitely in need of some goddess intervention...

+ Trying to Break Us Up—What to do when a secondary female is trying get the primary male to breakup with the primary female in a polyamorous relationship? This was not an As...

+ Where’s the Love?—I have a fundamental flaw that is of course so embedded in my personality, that I cannot recognize it. Maybe you can help. I fall in love with plain, ...

+ A Can of Worms: Polyamory Definitions—Got an interesting one in my mailbox this morning: How is Polyamory different from being in an open relationship? I got into an argument with someone ...

+ Bailing on Dates—I met my secondary partner earlier this year and we took our time getting to know each other before we played, and agreed to start a play-partnership....

+ On Gaslighting—This guest column was written by Peter J. Vinton, Jr., aka The Prince. It’s Just A Trifle Lily innocuously asks a favor of you one day.  Say, a quick ...

+ One Poly Weekend—I had someone comment on Hobbiton today mentioning that she wasn’t seeing people with happy poly relationships talking about them, but she was seeing ...

+ The Anti-Polyamory Press is at it Again—Why “Open” Marriages Don’t Work. This article is a bit insidious and I find it disturbing. The basic allusion is that anyone who w...

+ Package Deals in Polyamory—For the record, this letter was a bit longer. I’ve edited it for brevity, but I hope that I kept the salient points: For almost half a year no...

+ Homewrecker or Confused?—I just started looking at this blog a few days ago and I love it. I also entered a poly relationship a few days ago… and I’m slightly less...

+ Relationship Broken, Add More People—I just started looking at this blog a few days ago and I love it. I also entered a poly relationship a few days ago… and I’m slightly less...

+ Being Informed and Dirty Little Secrets in Polyamory—I wanted to message you (as I’m sure most people who message you do) about a poly/open relationship I’m in. As for the background, I’...

+ Polyamory, STDs and Partner Communication— Dear Goddess of Java, I was recently tested for all STDs and found, to my delight, that I have no STDs.  I felt relief and actually thought about cal...

+ I Feel Like My Life is Crashing—I am a lesbian. I am married and in a non-romantic relationship with my wife as we raise our kids. We are friends, that is all. I started dating anoth...

+ Why Interpreting and Assumptions Suck—I had an interesting communication moment recently. Polyfamilies was doing its usual thing of debating everything under the sun (nuclear power and alt...

+ O.V.P and Passive-Aggressiveness—The wife and i agreed to try an open relationship. We agreed on the rules of engagement: use a condom, be discreet, and don’t put one above the ...

+ Will a Baby Change my Poly Relationship?—Okay, go read the title. Then think a minute. Damn right one of your partners having a baby is going to change things. Jesus, where’s your bra...

+ Hobbiton—“Now it is a strong thing, but things that are good to have and days that are good to spend are soon told about, and not much to listen to; whil...

+ Love and Time—A faithful reader asks: My partner, Bill, and I have been together for 3 years. During that time I’ve had 5 other relationships, and he has had ...

+ Texting, Triggers and Jealousy—From a reader;   My boyfriend, Justin, and I have been dating for about a year and a half and became poly about two months ago when I met another ma...

+ Some Thoughts on Boundaries, Preferences and Communication—A few days ago, there was a Coffee Incident in my household that prompted a post. I got a lot of interesting responses, but I wanted to discuss the m...

+ Goddess of Java’s Boundaries Quiz—I talk a great deal about setting boundaries and expressing preferences, and sometimes have struggled to differentiate this between being controlling ...

+ Jealousy and Abandonment Issues in Polyamory—Mike wrote in to ask:   I’ve been in an open relationship for almost two years now. We’re very much in love and have, generally, good an...

+ Ask the Misanthrope: Can a Lesbian Have a Dom/Sub Relationship?—A Reader Asks: I’ve found your site within the last few weeks and I have a question. I have been in a relationship with my partner for 4 years n...

+ Ask the Misanthrope: Where Can We Find A Party Favor—Hello. My husband and I are young and take very good care of ourselves. Where can we find a bicurious, bisexual, or lesbian woman to explore with but ...

+ Ask the Misanthrope: Not Poly Enough—A Reader Asks: I have been having a lot of problems lately; I know that the majority of the issues I’m having are PTSD-related, but some are rel...

+ Ask the Misanthrope: Polyamorous Lie Detector?—A Reader Asks: My boyfriend told me that he was polyamorous two years ago, and I really liked him and I also liked the idea. I was the first to ask hi...

+ Secondary Relationships Follow-up: They Ain’t All Bad—Yesterday, I posted a tongue-in-cheek collaboration between a couple of snarky, but very wise men who were expressing concerns about how secondaries a...

+ Secondary Clarity—What with lots of couples going poly and thinking that they can experiment with other people’s hearts as an appropriate safeguard to their own m...

+ Off-Topic, but Important—I recognize many of my readers have their pet charities and causes.  For that, thank you.  Anything you do to make the world a better place is a good ...

+ Are Polyamorous Relationships Hard?—There’s a common thread that I’m noticing in relationship talk that I’d like to address.  It’s not necessarily polyamory specific, but I’ve never let ...

+ “How Can I Tell if I’m Polyamorous?” is the Wrong Question—I ran across a post not too long ago asking how one could know if one were polyamorous or not.  I break a bit with a lot of the poly community who see...

+ Profiles in Polyamory: Jennifer—Unless you live it, it’s sometimes hard to have an idea of what a polyamorous life can look like.  Profiles in Polyamory is going to be an ongoing ser...

+ The Key Factor to Polyamory Relationship Success—In talking about polyamory relationship success, I do take as a given that you’re a rational grown-up.  Relationships are for grown-ups.  If you’re no...

+ Intimate Connections and Really Hot Sex—It’s time to reach into the Goddess of Java’s mailbag and see what strange and wonderful questions come up. It seems that I have found myself in a cro...

+ Can a Polyamorous Marriage Last?—Today, my husband and I have been married twenty years. Now, unlike a lot of married couples, we never were monogamous.  It’s part of the reason why I...

+ 19 and Perfect Boobs—My primary partner and I had been togetehr and monogamous for 7 years.  One day she started chatting up and exbf form 15 years back, went and saw him,...

+ My Wife Doesn’t Understand Me—“I’m in a mid-life crisis, I guess.  The passion is out of my life and I’m looking for something more.   My wife doesn’t understand me.” Any polyamoro...

+ Handling Jealousy: How to Fuck Up—I’ve been seeing more than the usual amount of discussion about jealousy on various poly boards lately, so I figure this might be a little topical to ...

+ Patient Griselda, or, Minding the Gap—Mama Java is lounging on the beach right now.  Well, okay RIGHT NOW, I’m probably getting sunscreen on squirming little children, collecting bea...

+ Want to be valued? Value YOU!—I need advice. My girl and I began exploring the “lifestyle” about 2 years ago.  At some point mid way, I discovered that I was having ner...

+ You’re All Fucking Idiots—About seven or eight years ago, I was unemployed over a summer.  Well, not so much unemployed as I was looking for “Real Jobs” through a temp agency a...

+ Ask the Misanthrope: Coming Out as Poly—Dear Polyamorous Misanthrope, I recently started a relationship with a person who has never been poly before. We’ve been dating for a little ove...

+ Ask the Misanthrope: Confused and Need Help—This letter is an edited highlights version – just for clarity’s sake: I am attracted to the idea of polyamory for the spiritual implications, perhaps...

+ Three Conversations for Polyamorous Intimacy—Let’s talk about relationship conversations for a moment.  When you’re polyamorous, you’re going to have them more often just because you have more of...

+ The One Penis Policy—Many moons ago, I ran across a term that just tickled the hell out of me, both for its succinctness and its applicability to many polyamorous situatio...

+ Ask the Misanthrope: Left Out—A New Reader Asks: I have been seeing a guy,living and working with him for about 4 months. He introduced me to the idea of polyamory. I had honestly ...

+ Sexual Tastes—If you have a sexual taste and think you’re the only person who has it, you’re probably wrong. If you have a sexual taste and think that e...

+ Ask the Misanthrope: Jealousy?—A Faithful Reader Asks: My husband and I have been discussing polyamory over the past couple months. I feel comfortable with the idea, and I know we ...

+ The Goddess of Java asks YOU!—I got so many thoughtful and interesting answers to last week’s question, I just had to roll with it again.  Thanks for everyone who answered. F...

+ Love Has No Boundaries—This time, I’d like to hear from anyone that wants to sound off on the subject. I see the phrase “Love has no boundaries” frequently...

+ We’ve Done It, Now Let Me Fix Your Life—There’s a popular situation in sitcoms and romantic comedies.  There’ll be this couple — one of them[1] being presented as having th...

+ Tips To Couples Looking to Add an Additional Person Into Their Relationship—This column is written by guest author Holly Bernabe.  She wrote it to try to help people posting sex or relationship ads to polyamorous discussion li...

+ Poly Parenting 101—One of the sad facts of being an alternative lifestyler of any sort is in this political climate, you’re liable to be labeled a dangerous pervert. For...

+ How to Score with Women—This column may come across as slightly sexist.  I’m sorry for that, but it’s a thread I’ve been pulling that I’m having a hard time getting out of my...

+ Repost: The Holiday Spirit—Originally published at http://www.polyfamilies.com/misanthrope20041225.html Well, honestly? I think a lot of people who complain about not having an...

+ Coming Out for the Holidays—The holiday season is fast approaching and many people often wonder how to handle alternative lifestyles such as polyamory and holidays.    I’d ...

+ Ten Tips to Great Poly Relationships—This is my top ten things you can do for great multiple relationships. 1. Don’t try to be a “good” poly person. If you’ve been...

+ Universal Principles—The Polyamorous Misanthrope was supposed to be a weekly column. It was for awhile and then I started drying up for topics.  Why?  Well, as I study pol...

+ Ask the Misanthrope: Careful with that Axe, Eugene—I am married (7 years), with boyfriend (year and a half), who also has another girlfriend (a few months). They are having trouble getting along; it se...

+ I Thought We Were POLY—Polyamory is about love and intimacy, right?  So poly people are the lovingest, mostest intimate cuddlemuffins out there.  If you find someone wants t...

+ Respectful Communication and Mind-Reading—Not too long ago, I was in the living room working idly on some material.   The Prince was in his room on a teleconference with a client.  Our son was...

+ Perspective: Grab Some — it’s FREE!—This guest column is by Edward Martin, III This is something I don’t understand. If I say “There’s no such thing as a white pigeon” and so...

+ Ask the Misanthrope: Secondary Rights—I’d like to see a column on “secondary” relationships and/or on the concept of how setting boundaries in a multi-adult relationship ...

+ Wishful Thinking Doesn’t Work—I don’t usually rant at monogamous people.  Polyamorous people in general provide more than enough rant fodder and idiocy to be going on with.  ...

+ Prove Me Wrong—I recently made the assertion in my infinite wisdom and exquisitely refined good taste that in general, poly poetry is Vogon poetry. So, here’s ...

+ When It’s Working—I know I haven’t been updating much.  There are several reasons for this.  The biggest is that one can only say, “Don’t be a fucking...

+ No Means No—Hail, O Caffeinated one! Dear Goddess – here’s my situation: My husband and I have been together for four years, and married for two. He k...

+ The Mistress Paradigm—Dear Goddess: I have a couple of questions about navigating my poly relationship and I’d love your advice. First, a bit of background. My hu...

+ Ask the Misanthrope: How to Meet People—I have a question for you and I’ll give you a bit of a background on my history with poly in order to help you understand my quandry. After abou...

As of 5/23/13 2:47pm. Last new 5/1/13 7:14am.  Score: 7484